Diary of a woman obsessed

BABY!!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:03:40 GMT

She's seven months old and DYING to crawl. I love the fact that she can't because I'm not ready for my easy days of parenting to be over yet. I have nothing really all that interesting to write about these days... nothing too exciting is happening. We're probably moving to Raleigh, NC in March but I don't like to stress myself out by thinking about it.

Instead, here's a cute kid.

Yeah, I know, the cheeks are a killer.

And Halloween!!!

She slept through the parade... but it's sorta her MO in life to sleep through most of her firsts. She was a doodlebug, not that you can tell really, but gah, she's so cute.

Vent Venty Vent Vent

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:50:53 GMT

I'm going to say somethings that are awful and venty. Just know that in advance if you actually read this.

My sister is nearly 23 years old.

She has a three year old son. He is adorable and smart and loves his Nana and Mommy.

She is a drug addict who up until this weekend had been "sober" for three years. I put that in quotations because she called herself sober and I called her self medicating with things other than crack and meth.

This weekend she went on an all weekend crack binge. She pawned her phone for money and refused to spend any time with her son. Then on Monday told my mom to get her help. My mother took the day off of work and talked herself horse trying to find my sister a rehab. These things take time, they don't happen over night but this is what my sister expects. She called my mother awful things, said it was my mothers fault that she was an addict, claimed that if my mother had been better this never would have happened.

That is bullshit. My mother is not perfect but after going through what she has she should be declared a saint.

I called my sister to let her know that this time we are done. That I can no longer allow her into my life. That I will not allow her into my childs life. She told me that her life was in shambles because of me. Because I didn't protect her. Because I let her be abused by our step-father. Because I got all of the attention growing up. I told her that it was bullshit.

Why does it hurt?

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 01:35:22 GMT

Is thinking of you... You know who you are

I'm Here!

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:58:02 GMT

I haven't been neglecting my journal. I just haven't had much to say lately. I feel like if y'all wanted to read a mommy blog, you'd go read a good one (IE Dooce.com or amalah.com or notquitewhatihadplanned.blogspot.com). Not mine. I have discovered, while my baby is a great sleeper... she is a HORRIBLE napper. Thankfully at the momentshe is passed out in the swing so I have a few minutes to type this.

I'm ashamed to say that I haven't written much lately. If I have, it's been during church (why can I always write there, but lately, no where else???) and is typically short because I have to entertain a small person. I want to write. I want to fix Benjie and Kelsey's story before it gets too far away from me, but I just don't have the brain power to do it.

There are some things that make me very happy lately.

1. This face!

2. Bare, by lindseyrkrpf

3. The Sacrificial Lamb by Lalina (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5019394/1/The_Sacrificial_Lamb)

4. Anything rainpuddle13 writes

And...

5. So You Think You Can Dance

In other news, I think I've gone crazy.... I'm switching to cloth diapers.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 02:14:02 GMT

Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter!!!

Trying

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:20:07 GMT

I wanted to post here on Friday and write that I was ready to seriously start writing again. That I had some awesome characters and a great story line to work with, but i have snippets. And the attention span of a gnat.

I have two ideas in my head... Both are a detour from last years YA book about kids with various gifts. One is a story about a girl who when she goes off to college her little sister becomes a meth addict and the story of the family trying to cope with this. This is pretty true to my own life so I'm not sure if I'm ready to write this.

The other is a girl who is working at a summer camp. I'm debating on it being a recapture romance. I really want to write the story of a girl who meets her first big crush later in life and then they get together. But, not sure how to do it. I'm experimenting with the first person but it's hard for me because I tend to let her know too much.

but, trying is key, right?

Then there is the fact that I've become a bit of a Robsten whore and have found several new Twilight fics to read that need my attention. Greaaaatttt.... just what I needed to do when my baby doesn't demand my attention. My husband is going to start to notice that I'm not cooking.

Annoyance with people who don't like Twilight

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:50:28 GMT

So, one of my best friends is a literary snob... She worked in childrens publishing for several years so she must be the all knowing one when it comes to YA and Kid-lit. I on the other hand taught middle school for many years and saw what the kids were actually reading. She read Twilight begrudgingly, hated it instantly and has therefore deemed it trash. She hates the fandom, the tweens who read it and the adults who love it. She knows that I've read it and that I enjoy the fandom.

I'm REALLY getting irritated by her recent trashing of the book. I mostly ignore her because it's not like she says anything directly to me about it (even though she did argu with me that Bella's hair was red and we know that's not right). But she's been tweeting about it and making random comments at things and it just bothers me... So what if you don't like it? I don't particularly enjoy some of the books that she's RAVED about (the Uglies sereis did nothing for me) but I don't trash it and say that it has no merit.

Twilight has been to some girls what Harry Potter was to a lot of children. HP wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but those who didn't like HP (not enough romance) did enjoy Twilight ('cause OMG the UST!ANGST!HOTBOYSWHOSPARKLE!). It's made them read, write and discuss. It's opened their eyes to tons of other books and given educators something to discuss with them (I did a whole thing on whether or not Bella was a strong character).

LEAVE IT ALONE ALREADY! It has redeeming value, give it up that you didn't write it first and that you don't like it already.

Thank you, I feel better

Thougths

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:16:42 GMT

I'm trying to start to write again. Right now I don't have any specific plots so I'm just writing things to stretch my creative muscles again. I'll post the two little vignettes that I've written for any comments or thoughts- good or bad. It's been almost a year since I've written any fiction but it feels good again.

    “You left!” The scream scratched her throat with the intensity. She raved and railed, through a vase and then regretted all of it. “I told you I was pregnant and you left.” She sobbed painfully. She hated it crying. It made her weak and weakness was something she rarely allowed herself to feel.
    “I couldn’t stay.” He held her hands in front of her, locking them down. He was back and he was taking what was his. “I had to protect you, both of you.”
    “What are you talking about?” She seethed, clearly not believing him. But, then again, why should she?
    “You were in danger. My job, it was putting you in danger.”
    “In danger of what?” She tried to pull away but his strength kept her tied to him. “Paper cuts? You’re a loan advisor for crying out loud.”
    Ben listened to the frustration pour out through her, he knew he no longer had a choice. Pulling her hands he drug her through the house, the house that had once been theirs instead of just hers. He dragged her up the stairs towards what had been the guest bathroom and was now going to be the babies. He pushed her in, shut the door tightly and turned every faucet on full speed. He yanked a towel from beneath the sink and shoved it against the door preventing any steam from escaping. When he finally looked up at Mary again her eyes were wide with knowledge.
    “They did this on Alias whenever Sydney wanted to talk about spy stuff.” Her eyes widened as she looked at him, taking in the whole situation. “You’re a spy?”
    Ben wished it was that easy. “I’m worse.”

DIFFERENT STORY!

    The small girl sat there in the dark, cold room. She was huddled in a corner, trying to use the walls and her small body to give off some warmth, but instead cold seeped through the cracks. Her breath froze her lips with each exhale and her fear rose with as the temperature dropped. She was going to die in this room and she knew it.
    Micah watched through the thick window as Sarahbeth huddled closer to the wall, drawing her knees in tighter, tucking herself further into the corner. Rage thundered through him and he wished for the millionth time that he’d never gone to the library that night. That he’d never sat down at the study carol next to the ginger haired girl who was typing away furiously on her laptop. That he’d never absently picked up her pencil when she accidentally pushed it off of the desk with her exuberance at being done. That he’d never looked into her wide brown eyes and that he’d never felt his heart drop straight to his groin with instant lust.
    More than anything he wished for the millionth time in his life that he didn’t love her.

Because Pud Told me too...

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:58:02 GMT

1. Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper at their livejournal.
2. Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!
3. Explain in five sentences (or give five reasons) why you have this wallpaper.

I tried to get a screen shot, but my computer hates me.

but here is what the picture is on my screen...

Why I picked it...

1. My daughter...
2. My daughter is CUTE.
3.My daughter is CUTE in her first pair of sunglasses.
4. My daughter is CUTE in her first pair of sunglasses with a paci taking over her face.
5. My daughter is CUTE in her first pair of sunglasses with a paci taking over face and looking nervous about what is going on.

Um, so where the hell have I been for the last 22 weeks?

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 00:44:59 GMT

It was about that time that my heart went into the toilet. I was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy and a heart function of 20%... that was fun. Then, about 6 weeks later I had a baby! WOAH! She is a little time consuming. But, so life changing and I won't bore you with it. But, I will post pictures behind the cut and if you're really bored you can read my blog that is filled with her.

So, tell me what I've missed.

   Kennedy Ann and Mom...
                                                                                                    March 12, 2009, 12:48 PM
                                                                                                    5.14 lbs and 18.5 inches long
                               (she was 5 weeks early and spent sometime in the NICU while I was in ICU- her Dad nearly lost it)



My blog is at www.flamingosthree.blogspot.com if you are so inclined and extremely bored.

Finally a break

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:07:28 GMT

My winter break officially started on 12/18, but today is the first day that I've REALLY had a break. CSAJ and I decided this would be our last year of traveling for the holidays... it just takes too much out of us. Plus, we're homebodies and we like being here. And next year we'll have a 9 month old who will not enjoy the 6 hour drive to one of our families.

Not a whole lot to report on... I'm still pregnant, which is good, but I'm reaching the stage where things are uncomfortable for me. I can no longer lay on my left side because of sciatia and it sucks because I almost always fall asleep on my left side! I had to go to the mall yesterday and I actually had a brief fantasy of having a wheelchair (which I will have in a few months) something I have NEVER wanted. I've always been very anti-wheelchair, but having one leg and 16 extra pounds on your frame is pretty difficult. Forget carrying bags around.

The weather has been teasing us lately with really warm temps here in the south. I totally got away with wearing flip-flops all afternoon yesterday after having a pedicure. It is such a tease. I know that the blistering cold of January and February is just around the corner. I hate the winter. I hate cold. HATE.

I did want to stop in and let each of you know that I really miss you...

...

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:17:11 GMT

Things that have happened since I've last posted...

on 11/19 went to see new doctor to have ultrasound performed.... Rockstar is a baby girl (dude, I really am Bella). But I will not saddle her with a name she can't say or spell. She looked really healthy ("Beautiful" were the exact words) and I go back to this same doctor on 12/17 for another one just to get a better look at her heart.
11/21 I went to see Twilight and I really did enjoy it. Yes, they left things out, but I enjoyed it over all. I'm going to go see it again this afternoon.
11/24 was my first day of break and I loved it. I have been nesting like no ones business and I got things done around the house and knitted.
11/25 was Thanksgiving and we went to my families. Rockstar was communicating via morse code, which is funny.
12/1 CSAJ (My hubby) went out of town so now I'm trying to keep myself from going insane at night. I used to REVEL in my alone time. I loved it! i wanted to watch chick-flicks and all of that stuff... now I get all weepy and lonely. Hormones suck.
I bought Circus by Britney because I'm a sucker. I kinda wanna go see her in tour too, not sure what is wrong with me.

So, tell me how each of you are!

The past few weeks

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:29:53 GMT

Have been crazy!

But, instead of ranting about it and things that cannot be changed... here's a pic of me only 18 weeks pregnant and I look like I'm ready to give birth tomorrow...

In other news... ONE WEEK!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!

Where we last left off...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:35:25 GMT

   Well, term one is over! now I'm just working on getting my end of term reports done. Well, okay, right now I'm procrastinating getting them done. We have to write "narratives" on each student and I run out of creative ways to say "You're kid is an absolute twerp with no manners" politely.

It's been an eventful time in the Dream household... Two weeks ago I closed School House Rock, went to see New Kids on the Block, went to ER mid-day for chest pains... Voted... worked... closed two more plays... went to the cardiologist and now we're waiting for results. The tech said "Lowered Heart Function" which I'm not sure EXACTLY what that means (like, am I okay to work? Am I going to have to go on bedrest at 30 weeks?) and I'm not going to worry overly much about it until I hear from the actual doctor. So for now I get to wear a heart monitor for 30 days (or until I'm told to stop).

   In much less exciting news... I've bought all of the little ones on my side of the family their Christmas presents and I'm gonna get my Mom's in a few minutes. I've nagged CSAJ about getting on his list but he's all "WE HAVE SO MUCH TIME" and I know we'll be out on December 23 buying gifts. I got my two just-out-of-tween-stage cousins Twilight posters because they are obsessed. I haven't gotten any "adult" gifts because we draw names and that won't happen until Thanksgiving.

   In COOL news when I went for my Echo on Friday the technician did a little quicky ultra-sound... we still couldn't tell sex (the machine wasn't that great) but we could see Rockstar doing back flips and sucking his thumb and playing with his ear (it's just formed, so I imagine it's like a new toy). It was pretty damn cool.

We find out the 19th and then we also get to go swoon at Twilight on the 21st... SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK!!!!

I wish!

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 19:26:17 GMT

I'm watching Into The Woods with my classes to eat up time for the end of the term... and one of the rather heavy handed messages in the show is sometimes wishing for something and then getting it isn't always the best... but I thought I'd list off some wishes right now...

I wish it was still summer and I was spending my afternoons at a coffee shop working on my novel and chatting with ya'll...
I wish it was still summer and I was waiting for Breaking Dawn to be released...
I wish I wasn't working...
I wish my house was already set up for Rockstar and i didn't have to worry about that...
I wish that my sweet hubby was home more...
I wish i wasn't so impatient.

What do you wish for?

god, today sucks

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 19:14:57 GMT

Today sucks.

I'm not going to tell you why, just know it does... it's all school crap.

someone amuse me for the good.

WTF world???

Woah...

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:20:26 GMT

So, who has missed me? *hears crickets chirping*

I'm so sorry! I've not forgotten any of you! I've missed you mightily! Just, life and school has taken over my immediate realm of things. Last year I had this awesome 3 hour block in the middle of the day to do whatever I wanted... I don't have that this year at all. I get a 2 hour block most days, but even then it's full of things like prop making, meetings and maybe checking out Twilighted.net. Maybe.

But, things have settled into a pretty nice routine and I'm finally in the second trimester of this pregnancy so I'm feeling much more human like these days. I no longer fall asleep at 4 and at 8 (I can even stay awake until 9 sometimes) and I've gotten over my food aversions. Instead I'm usually wondering if there is cake somewhere around. I'm thinking that I'm really going to give birth to a cupcake.

In two weeks I put up my first show of the year, a musical, with 8th graders. I'm not nervous yet... but I will be.

So, I haven't gotten to go through my flist, someone give me a brief rundown on whats been going on in fandom in the last month. Any wank? I saw the new picture that Pud posted yesterday of what I'm assuming is the prom... yum.

Gosh, I've miss ya'll!

Breaking the teacher code.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:44:50 GMT

I hate one of my students.

There, I've said it.

I feel better about it.

I feel guilty because I don't think I can help him anymore. I've given up. I just don't have the expendable energy to do anything for him. If he wants to stay up all night toking (which I have no real proof of and the higher ups know my thoughts) that's his deal. He can sleep through my class all he wants, but he's only getting a zero. I'm not going to give him points for not doing jack shit.

He's going to drop out of school as soon as he is old enough to and will become a drain on public money and sell drugs. I've tried to help, other teachers have tried to help. I'm tired of trying.

Where the hell have I been?"

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:42:29 GMT

Teaching... then worrying because of some bleeding... that was really just Rockstar wanting his picture taken again so I could get all gushy at seeing his little heartbeat flutter and how big he's gotten since he was 6 weeks (now he's 10 weeks)... granted, he's still the size of a AA battery.

Today is kinda slack day for me. I typically co-teach on Wednesdays but the primary teacher is giving a test so she doesn't need me. It's sorta nice. I should, I don't know, write or something, but I think I'll just read for a while. I knew I should have brought a book from home... darn.

Anyone want to entertain me?

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:56:00 GMT

So, I bought BD on audio this week and I'm slowly listening through it. Granted, I got it on Monday and as of right now I'm not even through the wedding reception. So, it'll take a while.

I'm in the midst of doing progress reports for my kids at school and they are long and tedious and make me want to pull my hair out. Or that could be hormones. Not sure which.

I'm hoping to plan my November Dr. appt. for 11/21 so I can take off early and then meet a girlfriend for the movie after it. Neither of us could swing a midnight premier because we are old and tired. But, we are shooting for this. If I'm right the 11/21 appt. will also be the one where we find out if Rockstar is a Bella or an Edward. Another thing we have to wait for.... sigh...

Off to do more progress reports. Be oh so jealous.

Where has you been?

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:42:49 GMT

Sleeping. I've been doing a lot of sleeping... I'm cruising into my 8th week, which means supposedly only 4 more until I feel somewhat human again. They ain't kidding when they say the first trimester is exhausting. I get up at 6:30, go to school, contemplate sleeping on my classroom floor about 12:00, get off of work at 4, sleep until Jason calls to tell me that he's on the way home, start dinner (about 6:30 or so) and then go back to sleep about 8:30. Yeah, lots of sleeping is going on...

This does not mean that I'm not up on all of the Twilight wank.. and Ms. Meyer is the wankiest of them all! DUDE! You give out copies of what you've written? IT'S GOING TO BE LEAKED! Suck it up and deal. If anything it's just made us all want to read MORE of it...

akaibara I miss your fics...
rainpuddle13 I miss your fics...
twilighttwitch I miss sending you things...

I swear ladies, in four weeks I should be more active.

Off to plan lessons...

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:52:14 GMT

So, you're thoughts were greatly appreciated yesterday. The doctors appt. went great and I got to see little Rockstar's heart beating... I've never been overly sentimental or ever thought about how I would react when I saw that... but, it was the most remarkable thing I'd ever seen in my life. RPattz hair can never compare :)

Thanks again ladies for all your thoughts and support!

Petrified

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:20:14 GMT

So, I'm going to my first doctors appt. today and I'm petrified. I'm so scared that something has gone wrong or isn't right and I just don't know it. I'm really terrified. If you are so inclined, say a prayer or just send good thoughts my way.

Who has missed me??

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:41:17 GMT

School sucked my brain out. That and finding out about the baby... it all sucks my brain out. But I finally have a routine set up and it makes me feel less like I'm going to go insane. Praise the Lord. Now, ya'll tell me how you are.

What happens...

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 01:43:43 GMT

So, what happens when you stop REALLY trying?? You get pregnant. Me and Bella, we do the impossible.